Thoughts After a Suicide

20160702_144926It’s almost like receiving the news that Robert committed suicide changed me in some way… on a chemical level. Things that were bugging me before suddenly don’t matter. And things that have fallen aside are now in focus. I realized that even though I have been depressed, nothing is worth that.  A new perspective has been gained.

I’ve gone through some of the stages of grief. You’d be safe to say I’ve been pissed. So angry at him for wiping that slate clean. Sure, no more pain, but also no more joy, no laughter, no chance of ever feeling peaceful or blissful again. Not only that, but he is leaving a community behind. Loved ones. Friends. Coworkers. All to wonder why. I have anger.

I’m not thankful in any way that he is gone. I never will be. However, I am thankful for my lessons, and I’m sure they are just beginning. Regret sucks and I do wonder if I should have been in touch better. He will never know all the lessons learned from him. He will simply never know.

In a perfect world, people would not kill themselves. Well, in a perfect world, no one would be depressed, desperate, or sad enough to consider it.

But it’s not a perfect world and I’m looking at you. Do you know someone who is depressed? Are you that person? Have you heard them talk about suicide or thought about it yourself?  Take out a piece of paper and write the name of 1-5 people on it that you can reach out to. Lifelines, use them. Let them know what you are going through. Talk it out, seek help, and promise yourself that you will always allow yourself the chance of feeling joy tomorrow.

When you are drowning is not the time. Now is the time. And if you are drowning now? Reach out. I’m here, of course. And there are others in your life that expect a tomorrow from you. Talk to them.