The State of the Robyn

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Last I blogged, I had been dealing with grief.  I’m still sad when I think of Elliot being gone.  In addition to that, my sons have been finding their way out into the world. Stretching their wings. Asserting themselves. Cutting ties. I know that at some point their independence won’t guarantee my exclusion, but for now, it is what it is.

My brain knows that this is an important stage of their development. But my heart hurts. I’ve honestly not cried this much in my entire life. I am, after all, the girl who didn’t cry for days when her mom died. I struggle with how much to share. But you know what? I’m moving towards transparency. My shoulders are tight, I pull my upper ribs out in my back. What do I gain from holding it all in?

My goal is to blog at least every other day, and we will see how that goes. I feel like I’m getting… old… and insignificant. I had dinner with my ex in laws the other day. I can relate to so much they are going through. They have great grandchildren and others on the way… yet they are forgotten. I feel that. Yet at the same time, I know deep down that just as much as this is my children’s time to stretch their wings… it is mine as well.

It’s time to paint my heart out, to write my dreams, to spread my wings and fly.

 

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