Finding My Way

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Lately I’ve been floundering.  There’s been a lot of shit going on.  I know,  I’ve never used that sort of language on here…  or on social media.  But guess what?  I do in real life and I’m too tired to censor.

Anyway,  issues with my adult children,  depression,  overwhelm,  my cousin died.

Holy shit.  My cousin died.  The Earth turned on its axis and I cannot believe that Elliott is no longer here.  I don’t even know what to do with that knowledge. The grief rolls through.  For Elliot’s sister,  my whole heart is with her.  For their parents.

Suddenly I found myself grieving not only Elliot but also family shit from two years ago. And my dad.  And my siblings who are still here but have lost their way.

And I became a bundle of grief. Usually quite reserved, suddenly I couldn’t stop crying.

I’ve been journaling and working through.  The house is temporarily empty and that’s helpful.  I can be me. Whoever that may be.

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